Sometimes it's enough

I sat in bed last night, frustrated with myself for not having a more productive Saturday.  The same thing had happened the previous Saturday - the list of things I could have done seems a mile long - the house is a mess, there are more crafts I want to do than hours in the day to complete them;, productive errands I could run, and yet we've had a lazy couple of Saturdays.  But I can't continue to beat myself up about all the things I didn't do, it makes me feel bad about the time I spend just enjoying my family.

Yesterday I went shopping with Sara, took her to a birthday party, then came home and baked Resurrection rolls and dyed Easter eggs with both kids. We had a blast combining food coloring in different ways to make the different colored eggs.

I've been watching Harry Potter movies and reading the books with David in the evenings, and coloring with Sara, or playing tea party or vacation house with her many babies.  They both love to call "4 person wrestle!" and jump on the bed with Corey and me, and I posted on Facebook about how sweet is is that David sets his alarm each night so that he can wake up early enough to snuggle with me.  And I smile every time I hear Sara saying "loosually" instead of "usually."

Han Foldo and Fortune Wookie

While I already miss the baby and toddler stages of their lives, I know that this sweet stage of childhood won't last forever either.  Soon they won't be looking to me for approval of their art, or play, much less setting an alarm to spend more time with me! Sara's in a stage of "I want to spend all day all the time with you!" which of course makes me feel guilty as I go off to work or to rehearsal for a gig.  I think we're all counting down the days until Spring Break, and I'm looking forward to that block of time with both of them.

Yes I could, and should, spend less time on screens and more time reading or sewing, doing something that I enjoy and actually feels productive.  While we're at it, I should be taking better care of my body too, something I'm going to try to work on starting this week.  But I'm not the perfect wife/mom/housekeeper/or teacher (I've found myself getting more impatient with my students too, and am trying to nip that urge to raise my voice first), and I have to forgive myself and move on, because regretting what I could have done isn't helping.

Sometimes you have a lazy Saturday and enjoy quality time with your kids.  Sometimes just getting through the lesson is enough, and every class doesn't have to end with an engaging, high-energy activity.  Sometimes the clutter is going to build up, and that's okay too, because we have clean bodies, clothes, and dishes.  I have a list of things about a mile long to get done over the break, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't get to every one of them. Because spending time with these sweet faces is going to be at the top of that list.